Posted on 26 Mar 2014
3 min read
Here’s the deal:
You’re not really working out hard enough.
Really, you’re not.
You’re on the phone checking out some idiotic status update on Facebook, catching your breath just before you blast out that set of 10.
10 absolutely brutal lateral raises.
Way to go big guy, talk about pushing the physical envelope.
Why does no-one take it to the the next level in the gym?
Ah, that’s right.
It hurts fucking bad.
Which is a shame because intense workouts will yield far greater results, probably the best you’ll ever get.
So what are the exercises or activities which will induce this pain and gain?
High rep squats are so painfully masculine that you’ll probably grow a third testicle after one set.
The 20 rep squat routine is an old classic, however let’s not be limited by numbers.
Why not squat as many times as you can in one set?
Let 20 reps be the bare minimum that you can muster and venture forth into the valley of pain.
Dan John’s brutally effective Mass Made Simple programme has you doing up to FIFTY reps in one set – if you can that is.
A set of tree trunks that wouldn’t look out of place in Endor.
There you are, bent over like you’ve been transferred to the sex offender wing in Rikers Island and you’re being passed around the cell block like a well-worn copy of Hustler.
Every single cell in your body is barbecued.
What is this medieval contraption that is creating such pain and anguish?
However, only a masochist would focus his entire workout exclusively on the low handled side of the prowler.
Well it really, really hurts.
A good enough reason for the result shy to avoid such a simple and effective exercise.
No access to a prowler?
Try pushing a barbell plate along the floor instead!
Pushed for time and space?
Why not grab a barbell and perform a series of movements, one after the other, to get some bang for the big bucks?
Complexes are nastier than a 2 Live Crew album.
Usually used for fat loss, ramp up the weight and really experience the concept that the muscleheads love to band about: time under tension.
The more time under the bar, the more likely you are to grow some muscle.
Kettlebells used to be a dark art, used by the Spetsnaz to clobber dissidents and create Soviet fueled muscle.
Now you can find them in Tesco.
They are usually pink, weigh 4kg, and are being held by a women sporting a post-orgasmic grin.
Here’s a tip: if you EVER see someone holding a weight or some exercise device while smiling then steer clear.
Unless you’re considering gender reassignment.
High rep, HEAVY kettlebell swings will have you looking to create new holes in your body as you try to cope with the sudden onset of oxygen consumption.
Your hamstrings will also be begging for mercy as they get pinged back like an Olympic archer setting up his last shot.
The price you have to pay if you’re looking for increased power, accelerated fat loss, and slabs of muscle.
Too often, the fitness industry is trying to reinvent the wheel, creating newfangled exercises which look funky but pack as much oomph as Pele after a Viagra drought.
Who would have ever thought that actually grabbing some weight and walking from A to B would be so effective?
Not a lot of folk, going by some of the exercises you see being performed in most gyms.
Well for one, you can’t market such simplicity.
Plus it’s really painful on your forearms, grip, and upper back, which is ore reason to do them!
It’s human nature to take short cuts and avoid any pain.
However, in the world of iron and results, sometimes you have to shake it up a little and get out of your comfort zone.
Just remember: trees don’t get strong when its sunny and calm; they get strong when the weather’s really bad.
Now it’s over to you guys…
Fancy giving some of these exercises a shot?
Got any other recommendations for us?
Let’s here your thoughts in the comments section below!