Posted on 04 Aug 2013
3 min read
Not all of us gym goers want to look like Ronnie Coleman.
OK, perhaps we do, but we simply cant deadlift 800lbs.
Some of us just want to go to the gym to get big.
There’s no goal, no calorie counting, and no oiling up (not for competitions anyway).
We just want to pack on size and strength.
So if we’re not aiming to get our large hands on the Sandow, what are the other perks of getting big?
I’ve come up with five a la carte reasons right here – hope you enjoy and empathise with me!
Bodybuilding is quite clearly an extension of Charles Darwin’s 1861 novel The Origin of all Species.
Everyone wants to be the biggest, baddest, motherfucking ape in the jungle.
And we now strive for this by lifting weights.
The instinct to smash a rival’s skull in with a rock and claim all his female apes for yourself now manifests itself when suit shopping.
You get to walk past the smaller, weedier males looking at the 40 inch chest jackets and, much to their embarrassment, loudly announce, “Have they got any men’s sizes in here?”
Yes, yes, you will have to endure a few, “Oh we better get an extra joint of beef on, the Colossus of Rhodes is coming for dinner”.
Now this does get annoying, but when you’re tucking into your fifth helping of lasagna, who’s the real winner?
To illustrate this point I’m going to use a terrible and shameful analogy, but keep with me.
Consider the Twilight films.
Like most heterosexual males, I haven’t watched them but I am aware of the two male protagonists.
Now imagine your daughter has her first date.
Obviously as a father you want to kill the man without even meeting him, that’s only rational.
Then this pale, gaunt, sickly-looking wretch turns up at your door, looking like a hairy twiglet.
No respect, instantly.
Or, this big bastard of a man turns up, and you’re thinking to yourself: no-one’s gonna hurt her with him around.
Well OK, he might, but look at him, he’s in great shape.
Ever notice how big people don’t get in fights?
That’s often because they’re working as bouncers.
But if you look around the clubs and bars on Saturday night, who are the ones windmilling?
Is it the 250lb bloke wearing a plain black t-shirt and ordering a vodka/lime, or is it the 140lb type, wearing a Hackett t-shirt and Elizabeth Duke silver chain from Argos, sloshing his pint everywhere?
You know the answer.
Why would you bother trying it on with the first guy?
People just know to stay out of way.
Even if he has no idea how to fight, he’s got so much weight behind him, it’s science.
This is a particularly hellish thing to try and do on a night out, and often by the time you get to the bar you’ve sobered up.
Getting to the bar quickly is paramount to avoid having to feign enthusiasm at someone buying a round of Sambucas to try and reinvigorate the night.
With great bulk you can easily push people out the way, and, as per the above point, no-one will do anything.
Then, when you get to the bar, hit your best rear lat spread and suddenly you’re occupying three to four prime real-estate positions for ordering.
To quote Henry’s Mutant Mass review:
Let’s face it, Mo Farrah might be able to run a mile in 3.30 minutes, but tasked with ordering a round of WKDs at Wafou Norwich on a busy Wednesday night? No chance!
So there we have it, reckon I’ve got your attention now.
Are there any more reasons that I’ve left off this list?
How do you use bodybuilding to great effect in everyday life?
I’d love to hear from you!
Until next time: lift smart and lift strong!