Political Figures In The Gym

Political Figures In The Gym

Never has the world been more politically charged; mass migration, nuclear armament and Donald Trump.

But how do these political collosi shape up in the gym?

Who’s the strongest?

Who’s got the most progressive training methods?

And who’s most likely to push you in the sternum for asking if you can jump in on their set of squats and not put the bar back to the correct height?

Can we find out?

Yes we can.

David Cameron

David Cameron

Position

UK Prime Minister.

Gym attire

The very best.

We’re talking a £60 t-shirt from Lululemon (yes, that’s a real thing), Wilson tennis shorts, ice-white trainers, and Roger Federer for Men cologne.

Gym etiquette

Unerring confidence at all times.

Cameron will not think twice about putting an extra 5kg on his 1RM squat if he feels it will be good for the country.

He will move nonchalantly from machine to machine shaking hands and asking how everyone is doing, although he’s not really interested in what you’ve got to say.

He knows what he’s doing.

Gym dislikes

Classes – essentially big groups of people getting stuff for free whether they’ve earned it or not.

And the public sector.

Strength rating

4/5

Dat long term economic plan doe.

Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn

Position

Labour Leader.

Gym attire

The clothes he worked in that day.

Expect coal dust, picket line dust and copy of the Communist Party manifesto tucked indiscreetly under his busman’s hat.

Gym etiquette

Corbyn is the new boy in the gym, an unknown quantity.

He shuns big, effective compound exercises, instead choosing group classes.

There’s even talk of him re-nationalising the squat rack.

Corbyn has really shaken up the gym dynamic, and many more established, sensible class attendees are now looking to defect to the machines and maybe even the free weights such is his divisive nature and probably body odour (showering once a day is elitist).

Corbyn favours workouts that were popular in the 70s but now make you look a bit of a dinosaur, and not a good dinosaur, more like one of those shitty ones that even Jeff Goldblum could’ve killed.

Gym dislikes

Hubris, expensive protein powders and progressive foreign policy.

Strength rating

1.5/5

Old methods that won’t cut it in today’s gym environment.

Boris Johnson

boris johnson boxing gif

Position

Mayor of London

Gym attire

Loud.

Wears a Malia neon vest, giant Beats by Dre headphones and shorts so short they reveal a little too much when lunging.

Gym etiquette

Brash.

Boris crashes through the gym doors, letting everyone know he’s there.

He then bounds over to the bench press like an exuberant golden retriever chasing a ball and body checks the current user straight off (see below video for an artist’s impression).

boris johnson diving football tackle gif

He’ll then rack up 100kg for a warm up, instantly.

Other gym idiosyncrasies include: a giant novelty protein shaker disguised as a beer stein, putting his own gym mix onto the communal CD player (a mix of DMX, Rage Against the Machine and Percy Sledge (for the ladies)), and calling anyone doing calf raises a homo.

Gym dislikes

Liberals on their fancy machines – do some proper exercises you miserable hippies.

Strength rating

3/5

Death or glory.

Vladimir Putin

Vladimir Putin riding a bear

Position

President of Russia and scourge of the western world.

Gym attire

Combat trousers, large creepin’ boots, no shirt and an optional horse.

Actually, the horse is obligatory.

Gym etiquette

Like most Eastern Europeans, Putin is to be feared in the gym.

He might not be the biggest bastard but that steely gaze and willingness to annex the power rack without a UN Mandate has to be respected.

Putin is old-school hard, carrying massive logs across the Urals of Siberia, wrestling bears and ritually beating homosexuals.

Putin myopically does exactly what the fuck he wants and will not take advice from other, more liberal gym goers.

And coming from one of the most successful weightlifting nations ever (albeit with a proclivity for ignoring international doping regulations), who can blame him?

Gym dislikes

Taking calls from Elton John and spotters getting too close to him on squats.

Strength rating

4.5/5

Mainly due to the falling oil price.

Barack Obama

barack obama exercising in the gym gif

Position

President of USA

Gym attire

Think Apollo Creed in Rocky, stars and stripes.

Gym etiquette

Obama has time for everyone.

He’s that guy who’ll run over to lift the smith machine bar off your chest when you’re stuck (something that numbers three and four certainly wouldn’t do).

Obama is very keen to try all new gym programmes while respecting peoples’ rights to still cherish the old ways.

Even if the old ways forced his ancestors to pick cotton and Mandingo fight.

Gym dislikes

Mass high school shootings and double dip drop sets.

Strength rating

3.5/5

Strength on the wane.

Kim Jong Un

Kim Jong Un visiting a gym

Position

Supreme Leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (which sounds slightly oxymoronic).

Gym attire

Black trousers, black top and an entourage of henchman ready to blast you with an artillery shell from ten yards should you take the safety pins off his barbell before he’s finished.

Gym etiquette

Dictatorial, Kim Jong turns up to the gym with an army of spotters and crowd of adorning fans ready to clap their hands down to their bony stumps if he hits a new PR on lat raises.

He strays away from big leg exercises after a previous mystery injury but holds the Korean National Record for all upper body exercises.

Gym dislikes

Subversive western propaganda, unsubservient behaviour and South Korean training methods.

Strength rating

6/5

According to KJU’s sources.

Signing off

So, there we have it, six political leaders and what they get up to in the gym.

Are there any others we should add to the list?

Disagree with any of our strength ratings?

As always, get it touch via the comments section below!

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  1. Boris is the best advert for public school imaginable.

    I mean, he’d be working as a pound shop security guard at best if he was from a normal upbringing, and he’s one of the most powerful MPs in the UK.

    1. Fantastic isn’t it?

      He’s a massive upper class bruiser who’ll probably be in charge of our nuclear arsenal in 5 years’ time.

  2. What would Nigel Farage’s workout look like?

    1. Certainly wouldn’t include Romanian Deadlifts

  3. I wonder how much Kim Jong Un can deadlift?

    1. About 3 UN humanitarian delegates for reps

  4. So funny!

    And spot on!

    But seriously, even though I’m not a fan of Putin, you’ve got to give it to him.

    The dude is a beast – black belt in sambo and judo (“Master of Sports” in Russia), and Kyokushin, and still playing hockey in his 50s…

    1. Thanks Paul.

      I’m pretty sure if you stripped all political leaders down to the waist, one-on-one, Putin would win.

      Unless Vladimir Klitschko becomes Ukranian leader of course… I’d pay to see that.

      Greg

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